Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
