It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
