sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hippo gnu deer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What a dumb baby whore.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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