I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
