There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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