apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
