Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
