Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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