Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
