we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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