If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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