I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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