new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
