I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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