tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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