Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize