I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
