Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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