Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i love accidental penises.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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