I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
