Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
