I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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