I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
