Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
