yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
