She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
