Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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