If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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