Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
