dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
