its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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