i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
