She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
