cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am spending my child support on dildos
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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