??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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