Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
