yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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