she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
