Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
