Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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