Are we in a gay sports bar?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
