Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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