remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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