he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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