Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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