Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
