He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize