i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
