I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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