Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
