Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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