drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
