how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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