Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
