We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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