just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
