Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
