yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
