i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
