ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
