I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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