is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize