you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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