u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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