the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
