then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
