at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
