ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
