Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
