my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
