Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
