before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
