Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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