The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
