It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
